4. If he doesn’t travel…

If he doesn’t travel, proceed slowly.

Back in the days of cavemen it made sense to not travel. Who knew what was around the bend? Saber-toothed tigers? A hostile tribe? It would have been understandable if Thag didn’t want to travel far from his cave and instead prefered to retreat to its mossy comforts.

Even a century ago it was difficult and taxing to travel just about anywhere. Want to go to Europe from North America? Sure. It was possible. Just sit on a boat for a month and there you are — Europe. Didn’t you enjoy that month of your life being knocked back and forth on a cramped vessel amid the high seas of the North Atlantic.  Once you got there few people would have spoken English beyond England; you wouldn’t have known European languages and it would have all been very difficult unless you had considerable means to fund your time abroad. I won’t even bother mentioning how difficult it would have been to travel to Asia or Africa. 

Things are different now. You can travel from New York to England in about the same time and with the same ease as it takes to get to California. They even speak the same language there! If he hasn’t bothered to travel at all he probably has a limited understanding about the world and about other people. Are you interested in that? Maybe you are. If you are, then enjoy spending the next 30 years of your life visiting the same places as you did up until this point. If you have a sense of adventure and you would like to explore the world, do not go for a guy like this.

What about exploring the world through the internet or tv or magazines, you say? Can’t me and my non-traveling guy explore the world together from the comfort of our couch? You can read Conde Nast Traveller, watch the travel channel and browse all the best internet sites. Well, you certainly could do all those things but that seems like a poor substitute for walking down ancient, winding roads in a city which was built 1,000 years ago where no one speaks English and the aromas are intriguing and unfamiliar.

The point is, if you meet a guy who doesn’t travel, you aren’t going to change him. If he has never left his town and shows no interest in doing so, he probably never will. Again, if you aren’t interested in going anywhere either, then by all means, go ahead. But if you are itching with wanderlust, find a more suitable mate.

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1. If everything he says is a joke…

If you meet a guy and everything he says is a joke, proceed with caution. 

Many guys think they are funny. Few actually are. If you meet a guy who likes to joke around, that is ok and by itself is not cause for alarm. That just means he fits neatly into the majority of guys who think they are funny. But if he is incapable of having a serious conversation with you, alarm bells should be going off in your head just like the red light bursting in a stand-up comedian’s eyes before he is mercifully dragged off the stage at the end of an unfortunate performance.

We all use humor to mask our real feelings and guys are no different. No one wants to be with a guy who is emotionally available all the time. Sure, you may want to know that your guy has cried before. But you don’t want an emotional basket-case who breaks down in a fit of tears at the slightest provocation or at the latest made-for-tv-movie on the Hallmark channel. On the other hand, can you imagine being with Jim Carrey (seemingly the epitome of a guy who is emotionally shut off from others)? If being with a guy who is emotionally close to being a twelve-year-old boy interests you, this post is for you. Guys like that do not change — are incapable of change — and you would do well to avoid them. 

Jokes are of course a good way to diffuse tension and gain the attention and affection of others. In moderation these are acceptable reasons for guys to make jokes. At the right moment, jokes are entirely necessary. We all remember the time when you got caught in class doing something bad (you tell me! I know you have a story) and the class-clown made the perfectly timed joke to take attention away from you. You loved the guy then! But if you are interested in a relationship with a perpetual jokester and you think you can change their behavior and teach them limits, know that you cannot. If on your first date he is more interested in making you laugh than finding out about you and your interests, you must know that he is going to act the same way in the future. Imagine coming home tired from work in ten years time wanting to confide in him your annoyances of the day and he greets you at the door with his lame imitation of the latest Hollywood comedic offerings. Get out now while you can.

I should note that guys who are professional comedians are exempt from this warning but deserve their own special warning. In my experience, professional comedians are rarely if ever funny in real life. They save their best material for the stage, making them hollow shells of their comedic selves in their daily interactions with others. For this reason it is probably best to avoid comedians as well. Can you imagine being with a dour guy who lives to please others for the rest of your life?

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